Which one of my dogs is the leader?

Picking up a dog is an exercise of dominance. The mother picks up her puppy. A dominant dog will resist. Dogs can interpret cuddling as an act of aggression. If my wife and I hug or dance, our dog is very disturbed. No, assuming the two are of the same sex, the younger dog is the leader. But you are treating it as if it were some lowly creature. The pack order is unsettled and a fight breaks out.